The 15 Most Common Mistakes of First-Time Mothers

Everything that is new scares us. And when it comes to motherhood, the fear of failure is even greater, as it concerns the life of a defenseless being, the person you love most in the world. The main worry is that all the readings, conversations with the doctor and family may not be enough, and that in the moments alone with the baby, you might make a harmful mistake for the child. However, the most important thing is to remember that motherhood is a constantly learning experience. Having a child requires calmness to understand each moment of the baby. It also forces us to have serenity to avoid generating unnecessary stress and suffering. Reflects Marcelo Pavese Porto, vice president of the Pediatric Society of Rio Grande do Sul. According to Porto, you should not be afraid of newborns. They do not speak, but they communicate very well if we learn to understand that communication. In short, what the child needs most is love, affection, and a good dose of common sense from the parents, says the expert. We spoke with women and experts who listed the mistakes that affect first-time mothers. Do you identify with any of them? Doubting one's intuition and maternal instinct A mother, by nature, is overprotective and involved in the care of the baby. Her senses sharpen; her sleep is lighter, and her body more resilient to fatigue and pain. Therefore, even if she is a first-time mother, she will know how to deal with the most diverse situations to care for her baby. Often, the child cannot express their needs, and maternal intuition is vital for their survival. Trust your instincts. Your child will too, says Antonio Paulo Stockler, obstetrician and gynecologist at Antonio Pedro University Hospital and a specialist at the Brazilian Federation of Gynecology and Obstetrics (Febrasgo). Removing the father from the baby's routine “The father's role is fundamental from the beginning of the pregnancy. The baby already learns to identify his voice from the womb. Of course, the mother's role in the beginning is more frequent, but the father should participate in all tasks, changing diapers, hugging, giving love. A child is a family construction, and it does not solely belong to one, advises Marcelo Pavese Porto. Always putting the baby first “Motherhood is an overwhelming experience, which often completely dominates the woman's life with all the vital and emotional tasks and needs of the baby. A key point is that the baby needs a healthy, well-prepared, and attentive mother to develop fully. Therefore, neglecting oneself is neglecting the child's health. It is important for the mother to engage in physical exercises that stimulate the release of endorphins (reducing fatigue and boosting self-esteem), in addition to facilitating milk production. The new mom should also maintain a balanced diet so that she can meet all her child's needs through breastfeeding, says Antonio Paulo Stockler. Isolating oneself at home in the first months with the baby “When my first daughter was born, I was very scared to go out with her, even after being discharged from the hospital. I isolated myself at home for six months and only went out for lunch at a relative's house or to take her to the doctor. My daughter always had low defenses, and I didn’t understand why. To make matters worse, I started feeling bored and lonely and almost fell into depression. With my second child, I realized that it was crazy to lock myself at home, and two months after giving birth, I took him for short walks. He developed much faster and hardly got sick, as he had the opportunity to develop antibodies, says mother Mariane Osorio, 39 years old. Wanting to impose discipline on the baby's schedule There is no way to impose schedules on a newborn or in the first months of life. The baby has its own rhythm: eats when hungry, wakes up and sleeps when it feels like it. Neither from a hormonal standpoint nor a neurological development standpoint does the baby have the capacity to learn and follow schedules. On the other hand, this does not mean that the baby should be attended to every time it starts to cry, as it also needs to develop the ability to reorganize itself and return to sleep alone. It is important to always be attentive. If the baby cries a lot, it is because something is happening and needs to be addressed,” observes Marcelo. Poor eating while breastfeeding “To produce enough milk for the baby, the mother must eat a little more (almost 300 calories) than usual and drink enough water to quench her thirst. It is essential to eat and drink healthily and rest whenever possible, advises Cláudia Hallal, pediatric nutritionist, member of the Pediatric Society of Rio Grande do Sul. Thinking that breast milk is not good enough “Up to six months, milk should be offered whenever the child wants, when hungry or thirsty. There is no 'bad milk'; all breast milk is strong and good. After birth, milk production may seem small, but it is sufficient for the child's needs. As the baby suckles, milk production also increases proportionally,” explains Cláudia. Not coordinating your sleep schedule with the baby's “When my son was born, I had many problems with sleep schedules. While he slept, I cleaned the house, worked, or watched TV. The problem is that after the first few weeks, I was very tired. I needed to hear my mother's advice and sleep while he slept. It was the only way to adapt to his rhythm and rest, says Luana Costa, 35 years old. Believing that when the baby cries, it is because they are hungry “The baby cries as a way of communicating, which is not necessarily related to hunger. Sometimes it is heat, thirst, or that they have a dirty diaper. The crying due to colic is very characteristic because it is an intense, repetitive, long-lasting cry, and generally at specific times. Another situation is simply wanting attention. The important thing is that the family remains calm to try to identify the reason for the crying. Over time, parents will be able to understand and soothe their child, assures Marcelo. Giving up quickly on puree or other foods “At six months, we started offering purees, but my daughter rejected all options. At first, I wanted to give up by only maintaining breastfeeding for a few more weeks. However, after my doctor made me aware of the importance of solid food, I decided to insist, and she adapted. It was when I understood that I needed to make an effort to stimulate her development,” says Midiã Rocha, 29 years old. Making comparisons with other family babies “This is a common mistake, as first-time mothers, not having much experience in baby care, end up comparing them with others. This can generate anguish in the mother and strain relationships with family members. Mothers need to know that each baby has a development and personality that differs from others,” states Cyntia Boscovich, psychologist and psychoanalyst. Not listening to the advice of other mothers “From the beginning of my pregnancy, I read a lot about the first years of the baby. But in practice, many things cannot be learned from books, and I felt lost. At first, I rejected the advice of my mother and other women in the family, but I realized that the experiences of others were valuable and helped me clarify doubts and take better care of my baby, admits Elaine Bortello, 38 years old. Keeping the baby too bundled up when it's hot “It is important to remember that although they may feel a little colder than an older child, the baby also feels heat. Cold hands are a characteristic of newborns and do not mean they are cold. We can check on the baby's chest to see if they are hot or not. The mother should observe if the baby is sweating, which is a clear sign of being overdressed. The child should be able to move. With too much clothing, the baby may become uncomfortable or even have more serious complications, such as fever and dehydration, said Marcelo. Decorating the crib too much and forgetting safety “Like any first-time mother, I wanted to create a dream nursery for my son. I spent a lot on decoration and stuffed animals. When Enzo was four months old, one of the decorations hanging on the wall of the crib fell and landed right on him. He had a leg immobilized for a few weeks. After that, I went home and took everything out of the room, leaving only what could, in no way, harm my child, says María Tereza Holanda, 32 years old. Spending on nonsense and not prioritizing what is useful “When you are a first-time mother, you have the desire to always buy the most expensive product full of details. In my first pregnancy, I overspent, and during the first weeks after giving birth, I realized that much of what I bought was not useful at all. On the contrary, I had to hurriedly buy other things that I had not considered due to not knowing their importance. In my second pregnancy, I only bought essential items and spent a third compared to my first pregnancy,” shares Ana Paula García, 43 years old. See original article.